DEAR DIARY,
 today is the best day of my life i cant tell 5.15pm onwards.. movie lovee @ aura mall
beautiful feeling ever i had

Dear bade papa,
10-11-2017
23:25
 papa kya mai adopted hun jo maa mere sath sotela behave karte hai.. shweta ko hamesha support aur mujhe extra marte hai.. papa oi nai hai mera apke alawa.. sab jhute rishte hai. ap kyu gaye mere poori duniya badal gyi hai papa. mai bhut akele ho gyi un.... papa mere pass kutch bhi nai hai.. bas koi khushi nai bache papa.. mai nai btate kisiko.. par papa mai andar se tut gyi hun
papa plz mujhe bula lo ya kutch karoo mai aaur nai reh paungi in logo ke saath.. kisi ko mere parwah nai... jitna dhyan apke samne rakhte thee wo sab palt gye koii bhi hoo... papa  apke pyar ki kami aur apke jitna pyar aur understanding koi nai rakh pata...
kyuu gaye aaap .. papa plz aap bula lo mujhe apne pass koi nai hai mera jise mere saath acha lage ya mere chinta hoo... papa mai bhut jaldii aungii apke paass ya ttoh aap bula lo ya mai kar lungii kutch kyuki koi nai ahi...  bye papa

dear bade papa,
 papa aaj diwali hai parr mai kya karuu.. mai kam karna chate hun par himat nai hote hai papa.
sab shweta mumy papa tana dete hai
papa shweta chote hne ke baad bhi apne aap ko bade banate rehte hai. jab se aap gye hoo papa wo bhut hukam chalate hai bhut pareshan karne lagi hai, papa kisi bhi baat par usko kutch bolo wo toh baate sunate hai sath sath uske mumy papa bhi... papa plz aap bula lo mujhe maii nai reh paungii aur unke saath...mere support mai koi ni hai.....
shweta ke papa aur ma  bhut dathe hai  papa mujhse kutch bhi ho chahe sahi ho toh bhi mujhe daat pethte haii... papa mai nai jeena chate aur... plz aap bula lo mujhe apne pass...
aaj diwali wale din papa maine itna khrcha kiya apne sare monthly tution fees isey celebrate krne ke liye laga diii.... par papa ki aaj ka gussa baap re
papa baad mai CHA CHA AYE AUR FIRR HSAYA
wo khud samjaye dono chacha ne samjaya mujhee.gn papa

dear diary,
      3-8-2017
        02:30



     papa aaj poora 2 saal hogaya. par apki kami aaj bhi bhut miss krte hunn
papa shyd apke support tha issliye kabhi dkh ka ehsass nai hota tha.
papa sach bataun rozz mai hastii hunn dekhate  hunn sabko  ki mai kitne khush hunn par papa sachii andar se poori toote hui hunn
koi nAai hai mujhe samjne wala. papa i miss u.. papa plzz aap wapiss ajaoo
maii sirf jee rahe hnn zinda lash bankr papa jo sirf bhar se ache haii pr andar se whole empty



gn/gm

Dear bade papa,

Papa apke jaane ke baad bhut jhagde hote hai hum me meraa ek do din mai mummy se ya papa se ya shweta se aur apko paa hai pap aajkal yehh kirti  bhi bhut muhh chalalne lage hai bhut pareshan karke rakha hai ussne mujheusse kalpana bhut push kar rahi hai bhut bakwas karte rehte hai daily papa subhah se kitchen jayenge jaan mujhkar wo log zoor zoor se bartan patkenge nad firbaate karenge papa kyuki unko koi bhi dar nahi hai woe k dum azad ho gayi haii papa mein akele pad gayi hun koi nai hai mere saath .. apko toh pata hai mai kisi se daaar kar ya pressure mai nai rehte   mai jantee hun papa mai inn logo ke beech mai kaise reh rahi huun.

Papa koi samjne wala bhi nai hai papa harr chooti chotti  baat se dark e karan humko chillate haii baar bar iss liye mere bhi nai bante  ,papa ka kehna hai ke hum dark e raho waqt badal gaya hai ..

Mummuy ka kehna hai ki saata chali gayi hai zayada mat bolo...bhut bolte ho ...mai agar kabhi kutch chupake rakh dun apka ya mummy ka saman toh daathe haii and bolte haii kya kaarna kutch nail eke jayenge . Sonia ko bhi chipkate hai ..

Aurr haaan papa duno ka kehna hai ke hum bade hai humko dhyan rakhna padega inn sabka bhale yeh log kaisa bhi kare.

Sala samj nai aata kyu inn logo ko samaj nai aata yee duno kirti kalpana  duno  ne apne baachoo ke dimag mein bhar diya hai kee yeh log dushman hai patat naii papa mum ko samaj naii aata

Shweta se toh chote moti baaat pe ho jaaata hai woo baar baar kehte hai ke tere bante kise hai.

Billu chacha biwi ke gulam baan gaye hai wo kirti job hi kehte hai dum hilla ke karne lagte hai pta hai papa kitne baaar jhagde bhi hue mere kirti se and wo billu bhi kutch nai kehta

Annu papa mein sochti thi ki ussme toh aakal hogi lekin wo bhi gadha nikalla .. pata hai papa wo bhi samaj gaya ki kalpana and shan bhar rahi hai  Sonia ke dimag mein.lekin sab kutch samajn kee baaad bhi saala faisla naii karr papata ghadhee hai sab ke sab.

Kalpana nd kirti toh apko patat tha nai baante mere use lekin wo log ne toh dimag kha rakha hai..

Kirti  toh itni kush hai papa kya batunn uske khushi toh jhalak rahi hai...aaj kal akad aa gayi hai usme ... ek baar toh meko bolte ki kutch likh kar nai gaye hai  itni gussa aayi paapaa apko gaye huyee kutchh din hue the and yeh sab bola

Kyaa pap kutch property bhi likh jate mere naam pe ..

Kalpana ne toh haad kar di papa mere baaree mein and shan udaa diya ke maine haath uthya uspe jabke  chacha bhi the meine unko kaha toh chacha kehte ke karne doo

Papa btaoo aap itne tension mein ki insaan kaise jiyega ...

Inn 3-4 mahino mein  mere zindagi puri tarah badal gayi hai...

Papa mujhe toh yaad bhi nai ke aakhre  baar mai khool ke kabb haase thee ....shayad zindagi bhar hasse na aapke samne issliye bhagwan ne aisa kiya mere ssath.

Papa mera koi naii haii mai tadap rahi hun koi nai hai mujhe sabhlane ko ..kyouu aap meko  akele in logo ke beech  tadapne ke liyiee.. maii jee toh rahii hunn lekinn mar keee papa plzz kutch karoo agar yehii raha na tohh bhut jald mai khtm kar lungi apne aap ko..

Papa kutch karoo maii itni tension leekee kabhi naii jiya na kyuki koi bhi pareshani aati hai toh mai sabse phele apko btate thee so maii ab itnee parreshanee leke nai jee paungii.

Shantanu bhi apne ma ke according chal raha hai usko samjana mere bass ki nai hai.

Soni bhi  same hai papa.

Sirf in duno ke liye yeh log bhai bhen hai humara koi kutch bhi nai papa dekte hun jitney din kaat jaye jab tak rahega tab tak thek hai lekin itni toh pakki hun ki koi bhai wahi ke zaroorat nai hai hume itni buland hun akkele jee sakungi ina bhai bhen ke bina..

         Good morning papa good byee cia 3:56 am 02/12/2015

Byee bye  papa

Yours truly

Deeksha chaurasia.

Dear bade papa &muma,

Apko ata hai mera birthday aa raha hai aapke bhut yaad aa rahi haii ma pa...mai bhut lonely feel kar rhi n mujhe koi samamjne wala nai hai ......kisi ko yaad naii papa yad bhi ho toh zahir nai kar ahe 2.00 baj rahe hai raat ke ...9-12-2015

Papa nai pta tha ki vo mera last bday rahega ap logo ke saath.....ap iske baad kbhi nai miloge....bye papa mai bhi bhut jaldii aungi maii naii rahungi mai bhi iss bday yahi dua karungi ki mujhe bula lo mere pa nd ma ke saath..

Aaj maine application dal di  voter id ke liyee aap bol bol ke  chale gay end maine kabhi nai suna...

Ab aaj jab bhar ke ayii hun tab apki yadd aaaii..

Byee papap maii  bhut jaldii aungi aappke pass...kosish karungi papaa..

Yours truly daughter,

Deeksha  chaurasia

09-12-2015

2:07am{night}

Dear bade papa and maaa..,

Meine soch liya hai sucide karne ko ..anee wale dino mein ein sucide karlungi .... pukka.. papa ma mein aa rahi hunn.sab badal gaye hai...

Koi pyar nai karta.. koi chinta bhi nai karne wala hai yahan mere..

Papa maii kitna bhi kar dun inn logo ke liye koi nai samajta papa yahan maii pagal ho  rahi hunn dehere dhere papa plz bula loo mujhe maii naii jeena chate koi nai hai mujhko chane wala ,samajne wala... papa maii marna chatee hunn ..

Kyuu papa aap akela kyuu chodd gayee mujhee... jabki apko pta hai na kii apke samne bhii phir bhi tek thee yehh log butt abb sab badal gaye..

Chote papa as usual daaat pesna aur zayada ho gaya and har chotee batoo pegussa ho jate hai..

Mumuyyy toh jiji ma ne sahi kaha tha ki inke ghar mein bacho ko chod ke jate rehte hai  mumy kabhi bhagwat kabhi mandir ya pata nai kaunse bhen bana le uske pass.. sab badal gaye haii..

Billu chacha mahan insaan ho gaye hai ...apne biwi se toh itna darte haii kya bataun  papa pagla data tak nahi sakta apni biwi ko. Sone pe suhaga uska beta papa apke mehnat ke paise kaamayee huee tekhane laga raha hai..

Kitrti ko jante ho aap saale papa apke jaane ke baad toh 3-4 baar jab bhi jagda ho hamesha bolte ki likh ke nai gaye hai tumhare naam..

Abhi beech mai bhut bhayankar jhada hua baa mein btate hun papa...

Annuu chacha ko sab btate hun lekin wo sahi waqt pe btate nai shayad unko bura laga ke aap log unke naam kutch nai likh keg aye shayad vo iss wajah se nai bta rahe hai..

Kalpana apko toh pta hai kaise hai wo aaj kal uss eno ke kehne pe chal rahe hai jo ke ghar phoduu haii papa apko pata hai yeh kalpana baar baar kirti koo bhi push kar rahe haiii..

Shweta  uske lafde toh mahan hai mai hamesha mummy ko bta deti hun wo phone nai dete thi lekin uski ma ko samaj naii aa rahi jab vo gul khilayegi tab samaj ayega....

Shantanu  papa wo bhi apne ma ka adarsh beta baana chata hai uske maa hamesh andshan bolke hamare khilaf kar rahe hai and vo ho raha hai..

Sonia uske samne sar kaat ke rakh dun toh bhi vo apne ma and papa ki rahage wo nai badlegi kabhi..

Maa nd paa mein akele reh gaye ... apke alawa koi nai samaj paa raha mujhe.. maii akele ho gayee iss ghar mein papa koi nai hai mujhe ekhne walla buss papa aap bula lo koi nai hai mere dekh rekh karne wala ..

Papa apne uss din hospital kyu bulaya papa..apne vo last baar call kiya tha  kyu papa ako samaj aa gaya tha kya papa btaoo na kya apko pata tha kya ..

Bye papa

Yours truly,

Deeksha chaurasia

27-12-2015

23:54(night)

Dear bade papa and ma,

Aaj fir kirti ne jaan mujh kar jhagda kara . baat kutch bhi nai thee lekin bus wo chote rack thee na usko leke jab hum clg ja rahe the

Tab mara bhi usne nd humne. Papa bhut khul gaye hai aaj kal  wo ladne baithee hai. Bhut nak mein dum kar rrakha hi yyeh sab peeche padee hai ki bus hume hissa milee. Papa maine kaha thaa ki mai akele ho jaungi dekho ho gayi na.

 koi nai hai mere saath... papa mai akele ho gayi mera saath dene koi nai hai .. na papa na chacha...

29-05-2017
9:14pm
dear papa,
         
                 papa u know what?? aaj ap nai ho na mere saath shyd iss wajah se mere saath aisa ho raha hai. kyu papa kyu aap mujhe akeela in logo ke beech choor gaye. kyu papa??
maine appko kahaa tha ki koi nai samjhega apke alawa. kar gaye na akela aap mujhe.
bola tha maine apko..papa sab pareshan kar rahe hai...
har koi akr mujhe baate suna kar chala jata hai..
papa yeh dono chachiyan kirti kalpana ne jeena hram kar diya papa..
jitta in logo ke saath milke rehna chaohoo yeh log toh wajah dundti hai jhagde karne ke

wapis aajao papa. I need u. I miss u papa
and u know papa kirti chichi apke  room mai jane lagi hai aur aap jhn baithe the na wahan baith kar paper padte hai
kalpana chichi bhi papa mauke dundte hai bass.. dusroo se ache se baat karenge auer humare saath aisa karte hai jaise humne inka kutch chura liya hoo


papa aaj pata hai kalpana chichi ke guest aaye apprix6-7people.aur chacha samosa wagehra lene gaye toh maine bola chacha se ki plz mere liye 4 samosa extra le aana .. toh pata hai papa chacha ne kya kha ki mere pass paise nai hai. aur kabhi toh mana kar diya karoo.. papa aaj bhut chub gaye baat papa.
apke ghar ko har baar aise dekhane leja jate hai kalpana ki jaise kabhi itta bada ghar nai dekha aao chaalo tumhe apna ghar dekhaye...
papa aatma kilap jaate hai jab bhi uske koi aata hai dekhane. ghar hai koi numaish nai jo har kisi ko lejate haii.
aur ppapa pata hai kalpna chichi ne upar ka jo itta bada hall(hall=2bedroom+1small kitchen) hoone ke baad bhi papa jo kiraye par dene wale rrom aur kitche mai bhi apna saman rakh diya..
aaj pap bhut yaad aa rahe hai
har dusre din bhut dukh dehh rahe hai papa yehh dono mil kar

papa yahan tak ki billu chacha aur anu chacha sab kutchh jaan kar bhi aise ban jaate hai ki kya btaun pap.

shyd apke jaane ka asar hai.
maa bhi nai hai jo mada kar dete aapke death ke exact1.5 month ie on 15 sept 2015 ko wo bhi chale gaye.
papa isey pheele  ke letters maine diary mai likhe hai...
papa aap wapi aa jaoo
mai nai reh paungii
papa inn logo ke samne gala bhi kat kar rakh do na fir bhi yeh log apko nai manenge


I wish I could have u again in my life.
I love u papa.
no one can give me the love wich u have given although I m u grand daughter
but u have treated me like ur own princes...