Friday, 19 January 2018

Dear bade papa and ma,
Aaj fir kirti ne jaan mujh kar jhagda kara . baat kutch bhi nai thee lekin bus wo chote rack thee na usko leke jab hum clg ja rahe the
Tab mara bhi usne nd humne. Papa bhut khul gaye hai aaj kal  wo ladne baithee hai. Bhut nak mein dum kar rrakha hi yyeh sab peeche padee hai ki bus hume hissa milee. Papa maine kaha thaa ki mai akele ho jaungi dekho ho gayi na.

 koi nai hai mere saath... papa mai akele ho gayi mera saath dene koi nai hai .. na papa na chacha...
Dear bade papa and maaa..,
Meine soch liya hai sucide karne ko ..anee wale dino mein ein sucide karlungi .... pukka.. papa ma mein aa rahi hunn.sab badal gaye hai...
Koi pyar nai karta.. koi chinta bhi nai karne wala hai yahan mere..
Papa maii kitna bhi kar dun inn logo ke liye koi nai samajta papa yahan maii pagal ho  rahi hunn dehere dhere papa plz bula loo mujhe maii naii jeena chate koi nai hai mujhko chane wala ,samajne wala... papa maii marna chatee hunn ..
Kyuu papa aap akela kyuu chodd gayee mujhee... jabki apko pta hai na kii apke samne bhii phir bhi tek thee yehh log butt abb sab badal gaye..
Chote papa as usual daaat pesna aur zayada ho gaya and har chotee batoo pegussa ho jate hai..
Mumuyyy toh jiji ma ne sahi kaha tha ki inke ghar mein bacho ko chod ke jate rehte hai  mumy kabhi bhagwat kabhi mandir ya pata nai kaunse bhen bana le uske pass.. sab badal gaye haii..
Billu chacha mahan insaan ho gaye hai ...apne biwi se toh itna darte haii kya bataun  papa pagla data tak nahi sakta apni biwi ko. Sone pe suhaga uska beta papa apke mehnat ke paise kaamayee huee tekhane laga raha hai..
Kitrti ko jante ho aap saale papa apke jaane ke baad toh 3-4 baar jab bhi jagda ho hamesha bolte ki likh ke nai gaye hai tumhare naam..
Abhi beech mai bhut bhayankar jhada hua baa mein btate hun papa...
Annuu chacha ko sab btate hun lekin wo sahi waqt pe btate nai shayad unko bura laga ke aap log unke naam kutch nai likh keg aye shayad vo iss wajah se nai bta rahe hai..
Kalpana apko toh pta hai kaise hai wo aaj kal uss eno ke kehne pe chal rahe hai jo ke ghar phoduu haii papa apko pata hai yeh kalpana baar baar kirti koo bhi push kar rahe haiii..
Shweta  uske lafde toh mahan hai mai hamesha mummy ko bta deti hun wo phone nai dete thi lekin uski ma ko samaj naii aa rahi jab vo gul khilayegi tab samaj ayega....
Shantanu  papa wo bhi apne ma ka adarsh beta baana chata hai uske maa hamesh andshan bolke hamare khilaf kar rahe hai and vo ho raha hai..
Sonia uske samne sar kaat ke rakh dun toh bhi vo apne ma and papa ki rahage wo nai badlegi kabhi..

Maa nd paa mein akele reh gaye ... apke alawa koi nai samaj paa raha mujhe.. maii akele ho gayee iss ghar mein papa koi nai hai mujhe ekhne walla buss papa aap bula lo koi nai hai mere dekh rekh karne wala ..
Papa apne uss din hospital kyu bulaya papa..apne vo last baar call kiya tha  kyu papa ako samaj aa gaya tha kya papa btaoo na kya apko pata tha kya ..
Bye papa
Yours truly,
Deeksha chaurasia
27-12-2015

23:54(night)
Dear bade papa &muma,
Apko ata hai mera birthday aa raha hai aapke bhut yaad aa rahi haii ma pa...mai bhut lonely feel kar rhi n mujhe koi samamjne wala nai hai ......kisi ko yaad naii papa yad bhi ho toh zahir nai kar ahe 2.00 baj rahe hai raat ke ...9-12-2015
Papa nai pta tha ki vo mera last bday rahega ap logo ke saath.....ap iske baad kbhi nai miloge....bye papa mai bhi bhut jaldii aungi maii naii rahungi mai bhi iss bday yahi dua karungi ki mujhe bula lo mere pa nd ma ke saath..
Aaj maine application dal di  voter id ke liyee aap bol bol ke  chale gay end maine kabhi nai suna...
Ab aaj jab bhar ke ayii hun tab apki yadd aaaii..
Byee papap maii  bhut jaldii aungi aappke pass...kosish karungi papaa..
Yours truly daughter,
Deeksha  chaurasia
09-12-2015

2:07am{night}

Dear bade papa,
Papa apke jaane ke baad bhut jhagde hote hai hum me meraa ek do din mai mummy se ya papa se ya shweta se aur apko paa hai pap aajkal yehh kirti  bhi bhut muhh chalalne lage hai bhut pareshan karke rakha hai ussne mujheusse kalpana bhut push kar rahi hai bhut bakwas karte rehte hai daily papa subhah se kitchen jayenge jaan mujhkar wo log zoor zoor se bartan patkenge nad firbaate karenge papa kyuki unko koi bhi dar nahi hai woe k dum azad ho gayi haii papa mein akele pad gayi hun koi nai hai mere saath .. apko toh pata hai mai kisi se daaar kar ya pressure mai nai rehte   mai jantee hun papa mai inn logo ke beech mai kaise reh rahi huun.
Papa koi samjne wala bhi nai hai papa harr chooti chotti  baat se dark e karan humko chillate haii baar bar iss liye mere bhi nai bante  ,papa ka kehna hai ke hum dark e raho waqt badal gaya hai ..
Mummuy ka kehna hai ki saata chali gayi hai zayada mat bolo...bhut bolte ho ...mai agar kabhi kutch chupake rakh dun apka ya mummy ka saman toh daathe haii and bolte haii kya kaarna kutch nail eke jayenge . Sonia ko bhi chipkate hai ..
Aurr haaan papa duno ka kehna hai ke hum bade hai humko dhyan rakhna padega inn sabka bhale yeh log kaisa bhi kare.
Sala samj nai aata kyu inn logo ko samaj nai aata yee duno kirti kalpana  duno  ne apne baachoo ke dimag mein bhar diya hai kee yeh log dushman hai patat naii papa mum ko samaj naii aata
Shweta se toh chote moti baaat pe ho jaaata hai woo baar baar kehte hai ke tere bante kise hai.
Billu chacha biwi ke gulam baan gaye hai wo kirti job hi kehte hai dum hilla ke karne lagte hai pta hai papa kitne baaar jhagde bhi hue mere kirti se and wo billu bhi kutch nai kehta
Annu papa mein sochti thi ki ussme toh aakal hogi lekin wo bhi gadha nikalla .. pata hai papa wo bhi samaj gaya ki kalpana and shan bhar rahi hai  Sonia ke dimag mein.lekin sab kutch samajn kee baaad bhi saala faisla naii karr papata ghadhee hai sab ke sab.
Kalpana nd kirti toh apko patat tha nai baante mere use lekin wo log ne toh dimag kha rakha hai..
Kirti  toh itni kush hai papa kya batunn uske khushi toh jhalak rahi hai...aaj kal akad aa gayi hai usme ... ek baar toh meko bolte ki kutch likh kar nai gaye hai  itni gussa aayi paapaa apko gaye huyee kutchh din hue the and yeh sab bola
Kyaa pap kutch property bhi likh jate mere naam pe ..
Kalpana ne toh haad kar di papa mere baaree mein and shan udaa diya ke maine haath uthya uspe jabke  chacha bhi the meine unko kaha toh chacha kehte ke karne doo

Papa btaoo aap itne tension mein ki insaan kaise jiyega ...
Inn 3-4 mahino mein  mere zindagi puri tarah badal gayi hai...
Papa mujhe toh yaad bhi nai ke aakhre  baar mai khool ke kabb haase thee ....shayad zindagi bhar hasse na aapke samne issliye bhagwan ne aisa kiya mere ssath.
Papa mera koi naii haii mai tadap rahi hun koi nai hai mujhe sabhlane ko ..kyouu aap meko  akele in logo ke beech  tadapne ke liyiee.. maii jee toh rahii hunn lekinn mar keee papa plzz kutch karoo agar yehii raha na tohh bhut jald mai khtm kar lungi apne aap ko..
Papa kutch karoo maii itni tension leekee kabhi naii jiya na kyuki koi bhi pareshani aati hai toh mai sabse phele apko btate thee so maii ab itnee parreshanee leke nai jee paungii.

Shantanu bhi apne ma ke according chal raha hai usko samjana mere bass ki nai hai.
Soni bhi  same hai papa.
Sirf in duno ke liye yeh log bhai bhen hai humara koi kutch bhi nai papa dekte hun jitney din kaat jaye jab tak rahega tab tak thek hai lekin itni toh pakki hun ki koi bhai wahi ke zaroorat nai hai hume itni buland hun akkele jee sakungi ina bhai bhen ke bina..
         Good morning papa good byee cia 3:56 am 02/12/2015

Byee bye  papa
Yours truly
Deeksha chaurasia.

In this beautiful life there is someone we love the most. Whether they are our parents, friends, uncle, aunt, etc. But in my life I love my grandparents more than my parents. I don’t know usually most of us love more our parents but for me my priority is my grandparents most because most of  the time i spent with them. From my childhood they  treat me as there own daughter . its not lke that i was the only child there.they have  three sons :-Ahlilesh, Awdesh and Vijay Shankar. They never make difference between their children.usually mentality of parents is they prefer boy child more but my grandparents prefer girl child more. Since three generation they don’t have  any girl child.i was the 1st girl child.

Since from my childhood i m with them but my love is more for them specially my grandfather LATE. MR. ISHWAR CHANDRA CHAURASIA. He was born on 11 November 1937.  He treats me as a princess. If someone of the family member shouts or scolds me for any work, he would sue him and shouts a lot on the person who scold me.  He is the opinion that if she has committed any mistake tell me ill see. You don’t shout on him.
I used to travel with them since i was only 2.5 years. I still remember we used to travel Delhi most because my fathers animal  and dadihaal is in Delhi only.
My grandfather belongs from a village name Akbarpur which is near Kannauj  in Uttar Pradesh. Over there he live .He was second child of her mom. He had an elder brother name Ramesh. After him many children  was born and died.  . He has completed his schooling from there . He tells many stories related to him.
When he was at the age of 2years his mom left the world. And his dad do the 2nd marriage. He told me that his mother named Vidhyashree was a rich girl. At that time, her father had 50 house in Mujjafar nagar. She was the only daughter of them. And they married to my dadu. Dadi died due to TB.  The second  mother is the second mother only.sometimes at night after 2am  when ever grandpa ask for halwa dadu cooks  and give him.
One day dadu keep the bottle of honey in home and went for some work outside and ask dadi  to give the bottle to his friend hee’ll come and collect from you. After dadu went,grandpa ask dadi to give bottle of honey and eat the whole bottle  of it and get unwell.
In the village , during evening the people over there use hukka.so he saw them and tried and the humrious thingis that hee don’t know how to sip it,so tried and drink the water which was there in hukka. The water is so bad he still rembember. Actually the water is of tobacco  and hukka is  not bad for health.  Thatswhy he tried , from that day he never tried a hukka. Whenever he see hukaa and rembember that day.
When he used go to school he don’t go to school instead of going school he and his friend  left the home for school but go and sit on a tree. And when school hours is over he came back home. One day by chance the teacher of that school meet my grandpa’s father & ask why ishwar is not coming to school. He replied that he regularly leave home and go to school. Ill look into it. Then next day he follow him and see and check weather he going to school or not. As usual he left home with his friend and go to the tree. Dadu saw and with the help of stick he beat him. In evening he ask him what’s the problem?  Why are you not going to school?  He replied that he is not able to understand the concept so dadu joined him aa tution near by hiss home.
Earlier he was very rich as dadu had shops as dadu and his brother all have shop. He tell us that from thee birth of child till death material is available n there shops. Cash of RS 2 to 5 lakhs is kept in home.
But time is of no ones. As we aall know time never wats for anyone . slowly and gradually dadu become and declared insolvent due to his mis management. He still remember that the door of shop is from home only and ladies sometimes take lot of clothes from the shop without informing him.
Grandpa has to leave the village and came to Bhopal. Bhopal is the city of lake. Over Bhopal he work and do a job and side by side taking tuition just to fulfil his need and send some money at his home as dadu,dadi and his child was there. Whatever he earn he send to his village.
In the year 1965 , 23 febraury  he married to my maa name MRS. SHEELA RANI CHAURASIA she was born in Delhi and live in Delhi  only.  Actually my mom  belongs from rich family and she was the first child in her family. She had  four brothers and three sisters. She used to call her mother “mataji” and papa “pitaji”
 After their marriage he comes to Bhopal. They live over there. My mom had suffered a lot of trouble over here. Actually, my grandpa elders brother name ramesh his wife had tourchered a lot. When my  actual papa Mr AKHILESH KUMAR CHAURASIA when he was born my mom had suffered a lot of trouble. He didn’t giver her food after or before delivery.  She does just to snatch away all the gold of her.  She had four daughters only. When my actual papa was born she fight a lot with his husband that she had boy child and I have girl child. After that my  mom is of condition to die but thanks to the lady who live in “ginnori”. She give immediate treatment and she was well. Otherwise she would have died after my father was born.
Throughout her life she has suffered a lot of pain and does hardwork. But she the lady who never ever complaint to her husband . She keep on listening and remain untold to anyone that how sad s she.
When his son akhilesh got hurt in his leg. For about 10 to 13 years my papa and mom had gone here and there sometimes this doctor sometimes that doctor sometimes delhi sometimes Mumbai. After the struggle of many years the leg of his child get perfect.
She gave the birth to his second child on 29 july  name was billu or awdesh. And third child was born on 2 march named anu or vijay Shankar.
Once her  third child name anu with his friend freshly learned swimming and was gone to long distance with his friend. When ma came to know she start  worring and not tell to any one that how she is felling after  many hours when he came safely firstly she shouted and old that she will complaint to  papa and secondly she didn’t give food for that day. When papa came home after  office hours she complaint firstly papa ask for food and then give to anu  and then calmly he tell him that don’t go beta you know how possessive is your mother about you. How carefully and intelligently he manage the things. He has all the alternative of each and everything.

.

 

 I really miss you papaa. Papa i also wants to die, i also cant live without you life is like a hell for me.daily i had a fight with shweta preeti muma and  all members of our family.
Thatswhy papa i pray to god daily that please god if you want to pick up from this family please pick me first then another but the god does not listen .so i stopped praying  him as this prayer is from my childhood not  of current.

I love my  grandpa the most . for all parents are priority but for me my grandpa nd grandma are my god and each and everything to me.
Usually maximum or mostly all love there mama side more as compared to me i  love my grand family more my real sister my cousin brother shantanu and sister sakshi they all are more attached to there mama more than there chacha side . i consider as priority to my family ..
Usually once or twice in a year we use to visit them and all the years we are shouting and telling again and again that my mama side we recive so much once no one has thinked that how are we living in family whole year they are with us but we never think about them.
This is a point to be think????
One must ask question from them self and realize how important is our family.
I am not saying that mama side not so important but one should keep there chacha on priority as compared to mama.
So this is a decscion which will not end.


My papa never ever interput on this.he very well know i m close to my chacha because from childhood my mom teaches me that they are not separate from us as usually mothers tech that they are not real so since childhood whatever we feed into child mind it will stick to their mind. He did not like if someone scold me for anything or for any purpose. God never ever give dad like him he always take care of me . he know whenever i need something he will provide without my saying .when he is no more with me now me and my real papa is keep on fighting because he has a haabbit of living and keep sshouting on small talks. Many a times i complaint about him to my grandpapa and he has shouted because for no reasonhe shouted and so reason is there but i don’t like. Papa ke alwa kisi se nai bante and khoob jhagde hote hai